I have to say, most of the 4 years I spent on that campus I didn’t live a God honoring life.
In fact, I was so distracted by the cute boys and having fun, that I didn’t take advantage of what “could have been”.
That time “could have been” used to grow closer in my relationship with God.
That time “could have been” used to actually pour into my studies and take advantage of the learning opportunities instead of doing enough to get by.
That time “could have been” used to become secure in who I was without needing the attention of a guy.
I wrestle shame when I see those that knew me back then, embarrassed for my actions. But an even stronger shame comes from feeling like I disappointed God and wasted the opportunity He gave me.
I know shame isn’t helpful. It’s not what God wants us to wallow in but it does motivate me to not waste what opportunities God has given me every day. It motivates me to follow God’s lead because I don’t want to have regret or shame anymore.
I do know, that despite my shortcomings and faults, God has redeemed me. He has blessed me with an incredible godly husband who is ever so patient with my crazy, as well as two sons who have a deep, sincere heart for following what God has for their lives...even in the hard. He has given me gifts and used them to build an incredible business that gives me overwhelming feelings of gratitude every day. He allows me each day to grow into the person He wants me to be.
I still mess up and will continue to do so however I will not listen to the lies of shame that want to cripple me. I believe God is using my story and my messy for His glory. And, I will cling to these verses....
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
Philippians 1:6 ESV
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28 ESV